What Grief Actually Feels Like

If you are grieving a spouse, a parent, a child, or supporting someone through a heartbreak they can’t explain... this episode is for you. 

When my husband, Mitch, was diagnosed with terminal cancer, my world didn't just break when he died, it started breaking the moment we got the news. That is the heavy, often lonely space of anticipatory grief.

In this first episode of Saying It Out Loud, I’m opening up about what those years of caregiving, shock, and eventual widowhood actually felt like. We explore why the grief we feel before a loss is so different from the deep grief that follows, and why "moving on" isn't the goal. Learning to live with the waves is.

In this episode, we talk about:

• The Difference Between "Before" and "After": Understanding anticipatory grief versus the reality of profound loss.
• The Ocean Metaphor: Why grief comes in waves, some small and manageable, others that pull the rug right out from under you.
• The Bereaved Brain: How your mind responds to traumatic loss and why "grief brain" is a very real, physical experience.
• The Timeline of Loss: How long profound grief actually lasts (spoiler: it’s longer than the world wants to give you credit for).
• Hope Without the Rush: How to find a path forward without feeling like you have to "heal" on a deadline.

Key Takeaways & Moments

• The moment everything changed: Mitch’s diagnosis and the start of anticipatory grief.
• Why caregiving is its own form of mourning.
• Breaking down the "waves" of grief, and how to survive the ones that hit without warning.
• Living with the "Widow" label and rebuilding a sense of self.

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

• With Love, Nicole: My memoir about our journey through Mitch's illness. [Purchase the Book HERE]
• Heartfelt Haven: Our free community space for grief education and support. [Join the Community HERE]
• The Letter Journals: A tool I used to navigate the days when I had too much to say and nowhere to put it. [View Journals]